With the Fox Chapel Junior Open coming up on August 5-9 I thought it would be a good time to give some advice to parents of both first-timers and veteran junior tournament players.

I want to start off by disclosing that I am not yet a parent but I can sympathize with the feelings and emotions you go through watching your children compete. I know that if I am ever fortunate enough to be a father I would do anything for my children.  I understand how seeing your child in pain from a loss is difficult.  The truth is in a tennis tournament all but a few players are going to lose at some point in time.  The pain of losing is difficult however I want to see if I can give you a different perspective for a moment.  When a child comes off the court crying from a loss it is difficult to watch.  As a parent of course your first reaction is to attempt to take away their pain but take a moment to really understand why they are in pain.  They are in pain not because they lost but because they care.  They invested a lot in improving their tennis game and it hurts to come up short.  Think about something in your life you worked really hard for and it did not work out like you planned, plain and simple it hurts.  This kind of pain is natural and it can actually be a good thing.  Instead of trying to immediately take their pain away point out to your son or daughter that it hurts not because they lost but because they care and caring is an important and nobel thing.  In fact, it is a red flag when a player losses and does not care about it.  When that scenario happens it shows the player is really not engaging in their tennis game and that is a problem.  Pain is a necessary part of the game, growth, and improvement.  Remember, there will always be breakdowns before breakthroughs.

Another very important thing to remember is that there is a triangular relationship between the player, coach, and parent.  The role of the coach is to mentor, teach, and develop the player.  The role of the parent is always first and foremost to be a parent.  Remaining a parent can become a little difficult on match day because we all want our children to have a great performance and sometimes the parent begins to coach because the coach is not there.  I am not saying it is a bad thing to remind your son or daughter to warm-up or help them check in, especially if they are young or this is their first tournament.  The first few tournaments are nerve racking for players and parents because it is all new and a big learning experience.  The big thing to remember is to let your child know that you love them unconditionally.  Win or lose you love them just the same.  Being angry with your child because they lost is never something I have seen be a positive for the long-term relationship.  When a child knows their parents love them unconditionally they feel much more comfortable to have the freedom to fail.  That means they can go out to compete putting it all on the line knowing no matter what happens their parents will love them just the same.  In my experiences this approach is much better for the parent-child relationship in the long-term.  When a child knows their parents love them regardless of the outcome it improves the chances for a solid performance by relieving some stress in an already stressful environment.

Finally, watching your son or daughter play a match can be downright difficult.  What does a parent do cheer, clap, be silent?  FIrst, It is hard to watch your child compete knowing you have zero control over what is going on.  All you can do is watch it happen.  If you pay close enough attention you will notice how often your child looks up at you right after points.  They miss a shot in the net and they look up at you.  They hit a great shot to win the point and they look up at you.  They are looking up to see your reaction.  They do this because they are looking for your approval,  after all you are their parent and the single most influential person in their lives.  The very best thing parents can do for their child during the match is to remain neutral with your emotions.  That is easier said then done but give them a look of encouragement when they make mistakes and looks of encouragement when they are successful.  Just encourage them to do their best, after all that is all parents and coaches can ask.

I hope this post helps give you some ideas on how to better handle the stress of being a parent of a junior tennis player.  And do not let me scare you either believe it or not tournaments are some of the most enjoyable and fun experiences of a junior player’s career.  It is wonderful to spend time together as a family and make lifelong memories.  It also is fun to test out some of the skills they have been learning and practicing.  If you like the post please share it and leave a comment or question below.  I would be happy to keep the conversation going.

If you are interested in learning more check out my friend and fellow coach Frank Giampaolo’s ebook The Tennis Parent’s Bible.  It is full of wisdom to help parents successfully navigate junior tournament tennis and maintain a healthy and positive relationship with their son or daughter.

What is it that separates a beginner from an advanced tennis player?  How can a 15 year-old be a beginner and a 10 year-old advanced?  This gets confusing so let me sum it up in a simple phrase.  Beginning tennis players use their hands to swing the racket, intermediates use their arms, and advanced players use their entire body.

What separates players’ abilities is the integration and coordination of their stroke.  If you watch a beginner they will mainly use their hands and wrists to make contact with the ball.  An intermediate player will be slightly more integrated and swing primarily with their arm.  Finally, an advanced player will use the entire body to swing, generating power from the ground up.

This concept of integration is nothing more than coordination or athletic ability.  It is not unique to tennis, it applies in all sports.  An advanced baseball pitcher simply has a more integrated overhand throwing pattern.  A sprinter who integrates their arms and legs will always be faster than one who just utilizes the legs.  A boxer who just uses their arms will always be weaker than one who generates power from the legs and hips in their punch.  I think my point is coming across here.

So how does a young athlete get integrated movement patterns?

Young athletes, regardless of the sport, become coordinated with practice and a variety of movement experiences.  It is that simple, there are no short-cuts.  Let looks at tennis for example, the more balls a beginner hits the more the brain seeks out to perform that movement pattern efficiently and the arm becomes integrated with the hands.  The more tennis balls the intermediate player hits the more the brain seeks out efficiency and integration of the trunk, hips, and legs develops.  So how is it that a 15 year-old can still be a beginner or intermediate?  They simply have not hit enough tennis balls to develop an integrated movement pattern.  How can a 10 year-old be advanced?  Well in those 10 years the player has hit enough tennis balls to make the pattern integrated.  It is that simple.

So why is it some players become integrated faster than others?

I think some players become integrated in their movement patterns faster than others for two main reasons.  First, the more movement and athletic experiences a child has under their belt the easier it is to transfer between sports.  For example, it is always easier to teach children who already own an integrated overhand throwing pattern to serve because the transfer is simple.  When children are coordinated and have lots of kinesthetic (body) awareness it becomes easier to learn new athletic skills.  Second, quality instruction helps tremendously.  With the right instruction a coach can get a child to feel the difference between swinging with their hands, arms, and entire body.  They key to the instruction though is getting children to feel the difference.  A coach can talk and explain and demonstrate until they are blue in the face but children cannot see themselves perform skills, they can only feel themselves do it.  In my experiences if I can get a child to feel what an integrated swing feels like it sticks very quickly.  It is much easier to repeat a feeling than it is piece together a bunch of verbal cues.

So what can parents do to help their child become integrated?

Parents can help with the process in a couple of ways.  First, hit or toss tennis balls to your child often.  The more practice you give them the faster they pick it up.  Second, do not limit them to just playing tennis.  In fact, let your children do as many sports and activities as they want, especially when they are very young.  The more movement experiences, the more overall kinesthetic (body) awareness and coordination they develop.  Finally, do not worry too much about perfect technique, instead focus on their effort.  When a children is praised for their effort, especially from such an influential person as their Mom or Dad, it will motivate them to practice tons and there is no short-cut to collecting practice hours.

Do you play tennis or are you a tennis player?  I think there are some distinct differences between the two.  In my opinion, those who play tennis are focused mainly on participation goals.  I should note right here that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with having goals like being a part of the team, using tennis as a means to exercise, or playing socially.  In fact, I think participation goals are wonderful for children and adults in more ways than I can count.  However, participation goals should not be mixed up with performance goals that a tennis player is striving for.  Performance goals are what make tennis players, well players, and include things like starting on the varsity tennis team, winning a particular tournament, or striving for a certain rating or ranking.  Becoming a tennis player takes a deeper level of commitment, work, and sacrifices than just playing tennis.

To conclude this post I want to let you know that playing tennis or being a tennis player are both very valuable things.  I have coached people who are focused on simply playing tennis for exercise and other participation goals.  These people have learned a ton of life lessons through the sport of tennis and then applied them to different areas of their lives.  I have also coached players who focus heavily on performance goals.  These players have improved and also learned valuable life lessons.

Neither is right or wrong, in fact, they are both wonderful avenues to pursue the world greatest game, at least in my humble opinion.  Knowing the difference between the two, the choice is up to you whether you want to simply play tennis or train to become a tennis player?